Listen, Carl… I understand that it’s been a rough time for you and your son since your mom died. I know that your son is having a hard time adjusting to the move, and he doesn’t have any friends at school yet. It’s hard being the new kid, I get that.
But what you’re saying is completely insane.
No, of course there’s no rule that a dog can’t play high school tennis! Because we live in a society, Carl! And in a society, you understand that certain things just aren’t done!
Dogs should not be playing competitive tennis!
No one here is saying that it’s not impressive. It’s very impressive that a dog can play tennis! But that’s not the point! The point is that we shouldn’t have to make a rule for something so blatantly obvious!
Dogs should not be playing competitive tennis! Probably not on a professional level, but CERTAINLY not on a high school level! I mean, can you even imagine what that will do the self-esteem of the students he beats? Why do I even have to argue this point at all?
Look, we have serious matters we should be discussing here! There’s a budget crisis! We have a severe bullying problem at our school! And developers are trying to tear down the local youth center! But instead, we’re spending an entire town hall meeting talking about whether or not a dog should be playing tennis for a junior high school!
What? No, this has nothing to do with my daughter! I’m sorry to say this, but she’s the most popular girl at school, and way out of your sons league! And anyway, she’s already going to the prom with the captain of our tennis squad. But that has nothing to do with anything! Stop confusing the issue!
Carl, you’re not listening! You have to be realistic here! Other schools are laughing at us! We’ve already got the lowest test scores in the entire county, do you really think something like this is going to help our reputation?
I feel like I’m going crazy! How did I become the bad guy here? Why are people booing me and playing mean-spirited pranks on me and my prudish, stuck up wife? I’m just trying to talk some sense into you people! This nonsense is making us look like a bunch of slack-jawed yokels!
Please, I’m begging you, Carl, talk to your son! Make him listen to reason! We simply can’t have a dog play high school tennis!
Bad enough we accidentally elected that cool orangutan as Mayor…
Pryorball. 