Dear Barlink,
It has come to my attention that besides being a jukebox, you fancy yourself a historian, a keeper and, when the moment suits you, a dispenser of musical knowledge.
I respect and admire your commitment to educating the masses on the storied history of music. However, if I may be so bold, I’d like to voice a concern I have.
I can’t help but notice that you seem to have itemized and ranked your findings. Which is less than ideal, but perhaps is a necessary evil, needed to sort through a subject with so many indelible moments.
However… according to you, Music Fact #1 is that the lead singer of Creed challenged Fred Durst to a boxing match.
I find that a very troubling starting point for these things.
Consider the scenario you have engendered: Imagine that an alien has come to Earth. A being from another region of the galaxy, one totally unaware of our ways and customs.
This alien wants to know everything.
He hears a song on the radio. It’s like no sound he’s ever heard before. Beautiful. Majestic.
“What is this?”, the alien asks in their space language that for the purposes of this hypothetical, you completely understand.
“Music”, you respond.
“It is wonderful! I must know more about it!”
“Okay. Well, the first thing you need to know is that the lead singer of Creed got into a fight with Fred Durst.”
Which means that sooner or later, you’re going to have to explain exactly who Creed is. And then who Limp Bizkit is. And eventually, they’re going to ask to hear them, and you will have no choice but to acquiesce, because let’s face it, at the end of the day, you’re a jukebox. And so they will listen to Creed. And they will listen to Limp Bizkit.
At which point they will leave our planet. But not forever.
No, they will come back.
With an army.
And that will be how humanity gets exterminated.
All because you’re bad at prioritizing information.
So if you love humanity, and I know that you do… get it together, Barlink Jukebox!
Pryorball. 