I tried it so you don’t have to!
There were many flavors at the Candy Expo, exciting and new and bold.
But for my money, none of them were as ill-conceived as ‘Swamp Flavored Gum’.
When one reads the package to a food item that has the audacity to refer to itself as ‘Swamp Flavored Gum’, there’s really only
“Swamp flavored Gum? Oh, that’s interesting. Also, it can’t possibly mean what I’m assuming it means.”
It did, of course. And the implications of that fact are both fascinating and terrifying.
To even be able to describe the taste of ‘Swamp Flavored Gum’ is an exercise in futility, but for our purposes here I’ll give it my best effort.
Imagine sinking into the depths of a moss covered body of water. And all around you are the buzzing of mosquitoes and the croaking of frogs.
Imagine the smell of decay, overpowering and all-consuming.
Imagine being surrounded by all the muck and the mire, and an oppressive, moist heat.
Now imagine putting all of that in your mouth.
The damnedest thing of all is that it doesn’t even taste that bad!
The novelty is so overwhelming that it overrides your instinct towards repulsion.
You can’t stop chewing this bizarre little gum…
SCORING:
Packaging- 5 out of 10
Aesthetics- 7.5 out of 10
Mouthfeel- 9.5 out of 10
Taste: N/A
FINAL SCORE: 22 out of 40
NEXT WEEK: Valley Pops!
Pryorball. 