Give me stuff! I deserve it!
Every year without fail, as we approach the end of the year, we here in America come to the same realization:
We don’t have nearly enough things!
And so, every year, we engage in the ancient and hallowed tradition of Christmas-ing, where we try to fill that material void in our hearts.
And our corporate betters do their part to ensure we feel human by making sure the shelves are stocked with more things than we could ever possibly own! Why on one shelf alone, you can find items as varied as packing tape, bubble wrap, styrofoam peanuts, collapsible boxes, and a travel sized espresso maker, which I am beginning to suspect was misshelved.
So many things! So many options! How can one possibly choose?
Personally, I think it helps if you focus in on one particular aspect of your desire. For instance, I have recently gotten into the fine art of baking. So I would be happy if I received many many breadpans, or perhaps a high speed mixer.
But more than any of that, I need a pastry cutter. In the three weeks since I started baking, I have noticed that my pastries were horribly undercut.
This is unacceptable!
I don’t know how I could live with myself knowing that such a thing as a pastry cutter exists, and I don’t have one. How can I show my face in public? How could I ever, in good conscience, serve my baked goods to my friends and family ever again?
(Not that I would; I’m baking for myself. It’s called self-actualization and it’s he greatest gift you can give yourself. Except for a pastry cutter.)
My point is: I deserve this. And in the spirit of giving, you should get me one without hope of receiving anything in return.
Happy holidays!
Pryorball. 