You will feel some slight discomfort, and then the planet will explode.
Welcome!
This is the first of eight tutorials dedicated to getting you ready for the end of the world!
Now, a common misconception among average citizens is that the nature of the apocalypse is a vital matter in determining coping strategies.
This couldn’t be further from the truth!
The cause of the end of the world is actually not very relevant at all to how it should be dealt with. This is because by the very nature of said end of said world, we’re all going to die. So any kind of strategic planning is, for all intents and purpose, futile.
Which, of course, raises the obvious question: So what DO we do in the case of an impending apocalypse?
The answer is simple, and can be broken down into three basic rules:
1. DON’T PANIC
Statistics indicate that most people, upon learning that the world is going to end, tend to become deeply agitated and concerned.
This is not a recommended reaction.
Maintaining a level head in the event of an apocalypse is the key to surviving until the actual end of the world. In future volumes, we will outline a variety of coping techniques to deal with your feelings towards the End Of All Things. But for now, remember this: the end of the world doesn’t have to mean the end of common sense!
2. DON’T MURDER ANYBODY
Another common result of learning the world is going to end is a tendency towards abandoning the morality of contemporary society and reverting to a primal, nihilistic state. Again, this is not a recommended reaction. Reactions like this have a kind of domino effect. First, a small group become barbarians, and then the group grows larger, and so on, and so forth, until the entire world is in chaos, almost making the ultimate end of mankind redundant. Living in a savage world where might makes right and mercy is long-forgotten dream is no way to spend the final days!
3. DON’T HOLD OUT HOPE
By far, the most common mistake people make in the event of an apocalypse is to maintain a foolish belief that there will be some sort of reprieve, or “last minute save”. While it’s an understandable line of thinking, it is also counter-productive in the extreme. The sooner one accepts the end of the world, the easier it will be to function and, indeed, achieve some measure of happiness with the remaining time you have before the Earth is reduced to a fiery cinder.
Again, these are just the basic ground rules one should remember in case of an apocalypse, or an Armageddon. Keeping these in mind will do wonders to ensure a healthy, satisfying transition into oblivion.
Next time, we will debunk the fallacy of the ‘Mad Max’-style, Post Apocalyptic society…
Pryorball. 